My mom died.

It’s a big life transition. The event itself scrambles your brain. You get distracted easily.

It’s a shock, even if you’re fully expecting it.

Pain and sadness may or may not come. Maybe it comes in little trickles. Unexpectedly it might hit you like a big wave. Maybe it’s delayed by days or weeks.

Guilt can hit you. Did you do enough for this person? Were you a good son or daughter?

You might find negative emotions just under the surface, rather than buried, like bitterness about perceived or real wrongs or regret for not having faced or patched up differences.

It’s sobering. You might be overcome by a sense of the fragility of life.

When death in the family comes, you reflect on how imperfect people have become so valuable to you; and you might even consider your own imperfections.

It’s also time to gather your mind around themes of life, death, life’s meaning — and family. Families come together at death, even from great distances of separation. Renewing family ties, sharing memories — these are good.

I like the idea of a wake: A party to honor the dead person. The clock turns for everybody; we might as well celebrate what good they’ve done.

And then set our hearts on living the rest of our lives in light of eternity.