Sat 16 Aug 2008
On Thursday, August 14, under the title “A married dad is no great ‘catch,’” the “Ask Amy” advice column (Amy Dickinson’s syndicated column) had a query from “D” in which her husband’s sister is having an affair with a married man dubbed “Jimmy.”
D’s husband’s sister has two young children produced from two failed relationships. She says her husband’s parents think Jimmy is a real “catch” because he has money and a great job.
D and her husband agree that Jimmy is a scoundrel because he lives with his wife and two children who “says he can’t divorce his wife because he is a Catholic and Catholics don’t believe in divorce.”
D complains that “D’s” family is bad-mouthing Jimmy’s wife because she wants to keep her husband. They want D and her husband to welcome Jimmy at family events. They say D and her husband should like Jimmy because he is “a man of such integrity.”
D says, “We don’t have it in us [to encourage Jimmy]. We can’t but empathize with his wife and the four young children who are being hurt.
Then D says, “Amy, are we being judgmental? Should we just act as if all is well and go on?
This is oh, so sad on oh, so many levels. At least D and her husband empathize with Jimmy’s wife and the four chidlren who will be impacted; and they seem to have a problem with Jimmy’s behavior. However…
- Even though D and her husband have made a moral judgment about Jimmy’s behavior (he’s a “scoundrel” in their eyes) — D is actually having second thoughts about it! (”Are we being judgmental?”)
- Jimmy’s ridiculous reason for continuing in his fornication and not divorcing his wife — that he’s Catholic and Catholics don’t believe in divorce (adultery is okay as long as it doesn’t lead to divorce!).
- D is quick to make a moral judgment about Jimmy, but reluctant to make a moral judgment about her husband’s sister’s behavior — who’s trying to break up a family, fornicating with a man who has a child and two kids and she doesn’t care what consequences that has on her own two children or the children of Jimmy and Jimmy’s wife. If D had a problem with her husband’s sister’s behavior, she’d be calling her a “scoundrel,” too.
- D’s husband’s parents and family think two-timing Jimmy, who’s cheating on his wife and kids, is a “catch” just because he has money and a good job.
This situation demonstrates several truths:
- The moral bankruptcy of moral relativism and “tolerance.” Look at all the terrible behavior and consequences being tolerated here.
- The tyranny of non-judgmentalism. The “absolute rule” of non-judgmentalism acts snuffs out what little moral judgment D and her husband have about the situation.
- The harmful consequences of sin. When we sin, we hurt others. That’s one of the main reasons God calls sin wrong.
- A society that rejects the biblical worldview idea of sin falls into all kinds of ridiculous foolishness — that ends up damaging relationships.
- Heaping shame and disapprobation on foolish, harmful and destructive behavior is not wrong!
- Everybody makes moral judgments all the time (including those who insist we should always be non-judgmental). Therefore…
- The questions should be: Are we making wise moral judgments? Are we holding others to double standards? And how well are we holding to our own moral standards?












